Wednesday, June 11, 2008

A Good Day, a Long Day, a Sad Day

Yesterday was such a great day with Mary. We got up, did our morning stuff, and then went to Meijer. It was a long trip, because I needed to look for several things we don't usually need. Plus we got a late start, and I knew Mary was getting tired and hungry. But she was so good for me! We made funny little humming noises as we shopped, we laughed, and we chatted. We came home, ate lunch and then it was nap time.

In the afternoon, we went outside to goof off. Mary saw a white butterfly and said "Oh, a beautiful white butterfly! The most amazing thing I ever saw!" (where does this kid learn to talk this way??). We walked around looking for ripe mulberries and wild strawberries in the yard and ate them. Then we were running out of things to do. We were sitting in the garage, and there was the hutch, staring at me. I'm starting to wonder if we are ever going to get it painted (my responsibility) and get it back in the house. So, what the heck, I grabbed the primer and two paint brushes and we went to work! Mary had fun AND did a great job. We almost got it primed inside and out. She lasted an hour at it without getting bored or making a mess! She only painted the hutch (not the floor, the walls, or anything else out there). And she was funny! "oh, this part is brown. I have to paint it white so the bugs don't hurt it!" Huh? We don't have termites:). "oh! More brown (wood). I have to paint this part!" Yeah, it was all brown. And yes, we are going to paint the entire thing.......soon.

For dinner, we went down to see Grandma and ate pizza with Mary's aunt and cousins. Then we went swimming! Mary loved it, and it was fun for her to watch her older cousins. Mary wanted to learn to go all the way under water, but she never actually did it. John was trying to tell her to hold her nose, shut her mouth, and shut her eyes. She just couldn't do it all at once. But she moved on and found other things to do. Like dumping a bucket of water over my head which was really great considering I didn't want to get my hair wet. Oh well, there are worse things. Once it was time to go, Mary melted down. She didn't want to leave. Poor thing. I knew she was tired. We got her home and powered through a shortened bedtime routine.

But wait!! She wasn't ready for bed. She wasn't tired. She didn't want to sleep! We told her it was bedtime and put her in bed. She actually told John she didn't want to nurse which she's said before. I figured as soon as he left, we'd do the usual stuff. Nursing, stories and back rubs until I fall asleep before she does (usually). But she didn't nurse! She just flopped around. We didn't do stories or anything. She worked on her blankets, her pillow and got comfortable about 30 times. And then she was asleep. I was amazed! And broken hearted. In the first time in 28 1/2 months, I didn't nurse Mary at bedtime. Wow. I actually stayed in there and thought if she woke in the next hour and asked to nurse I'd let her (she's nightweaned and has been for months). But she didn't. It's now 2am and I am enjoying some great pregnancy induced insomnia. I hope she nurses in the morning. She's already almost cut out her after nap session. So we are down to like 2-3 times a day. As much as I would love to keep nursing her after the baby is born, I'd also love to just nurse the baby if that's going to be less work. Some days I look down at her when I am rocking and nursing her to sleep and think she's "too big" to be nursing anymore, but in my heart I know it is what's best for her for as long as she wants to do it. I guess I've never really thought about how or when it will end.

"Wean Me Gently"

I know I look so big to you,

Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.

But no matter how big we get,

We still have needs that are important to us.

I know that our relationship is growing and changing,

But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,

Especially at the end of the day

When we snuggle up in bed.

Please don't get too busy for us to nurse.

I know you think I can be patient,

Or find something to take the place of a nursing;

A book, a glass of something,

But nothing can take your place when I need you.

Sometimes just cuddling with you,

Having you near me is enough.

I guess I am growing and becoming independent,

But please be there.

This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,

Please don't break it abruptly.

Wean me gently,

Because I am your mother,

And my heart is tender.

--Cathy Cardall

1 comment:

Mimi & Moe's Mom said...

OH! My heart goes out to you. My children both quit rather abruptly and never looked back....In many ways I think it is harder on us than them when they quit this way.
Hang in there!