Changes

I don't think I like change. I like routine. Sure the same old stuff every day can get boring. The girls change. They grow. Mary goes to school, Ellie can walk and climb. I'm pretty surprised Ellie isn't a baby anymore. Wasn't she just born yesterday? Heck, wasn't Mary? Now I'm looking forward and choosing a school for her for next year. She will be going 5 days a week. I think she'll just be going half days, unless she loves it so much that we decide to do full days. It will be odd to have her gone every day, and it will also be strange to just be here with Ellie.

One thing that I wanted to change a YEAR ago was that I wanted to wean Mary. She's only been nursing once a day for maybe 6 or 8 months now. I've still been nursing her to sleep every night. Because it's easy, it puts her right to sleep (like 6 to 10 minutes and she's out cold), and she doesn't seem ready for change. I've seen many references that the average worldwide weaning age is about 4.2 years (although I am not sure what all variables were considered in that figure). I've also read that if all mammals were on the same lifespan (like, if a dog year is 7 human years or whatever) that humans would nurse until they were 6 or 7. I was just looking for a strong reference for the 4.2 years statistic, and saw that a natural age for weaning might be 6 times the gestation of that species, or 4.5 years for humans. Nursing is a two person relationship. In my nursing relationship with Mary there are two people that want two different things. I want to be done, and she does not. I finally told her yesterday that I was done. It wasn't the first time I've mentioned it to her. Last fall we discussed that she would only nurse on school nights when she was 4 (something she came up with). When we got to her birthday, she changed her mind. She still wanted to nurse every night. And so we did. Until last night. I just told her that I didn't want to nurse anymore. I told her I loved her and respected her opinion. I told her we'd still nurse on school nights (which we've defined as three nights a week). She cried. She cried a lot. And she was hurt. She was shocked. I told her I wasn't mad, and that I loved her very much. I told her it was a compromise. That it was 3 nights a week, or none. She chose three. So last night, she didn't nurse and seemed okay with it. John put her to bed. Tonight she asked if it was a school night yet, and I told her no. She asked if she could nurse anyway. I said no. She cried a bit. She told me she didn't think she could wait that long. But then she was okay, and again John put her to bed without any problems. Later this spring, when there are no more school nights, I will be completely done. Mary will be 4 years and 4 months old. I will have done my time and loved (almost) every minute of it. I am proud of sticking with it. I remember how proud I was when we made it a week, and a month. I never dreamed I'd nurse her this long. I didn't plan on it when she was born. I just got through it one day at a time. But now it's time for a change, for a new chapter in Mary's life and a new chapter in mine.

Huh? what did you say?

So, Mary's on the phone this morning with Aunt Kate. I could only hear her part of the conversation.

"Hi, Aunt Kate."
"Yeah, we just got up. We're going to eat cinnamon oats."
"And nurse."
"um, nurse"
"Nurse Momma, you know?!?!"
"....Nursing......"

I'm sure Kate was confused as heck. I got Mary off the phone and John told Kate (his sister) what Mary said/meant.

I thought back to when Mary was 5 days old and she wouldn't nurse. She was a sleepy baby. I called the local La Leche League leader and she came to our house to help us. Her name was Bonnie and we'd never met before, but she took time out of her day and arrived ready to help. I'll never forget her. She probably saved my nursing relationship with Mary. She said something to John about nursing her daughter for a long time, but was sort of vague about it. John later told me he thought she didn't go into detail because she didn't want us/me to think I had to nurse Mary that long or that her way was right or wrong. I started going to La Leche League meetings back when we lived in Evansville. I later found out that Bonnie breastfed her daughter for 4 years and 4 months. When I heard that, it felt like a super long time. I do wonder sometimes how much longer Mary will nurse. But at this point, I'm leaving it up to her. And I suppose she'll keep telling people about it, and confusing the heck out of them. It isn't like it's a secret. It's a big part of her life, and mine. I'm sure that most people just assume we've been done for a long time.

A Good Day, a Long Day, a Sad Day

Yesterday was such a great day with Mary. We got up, did our morning stuff, and then went to Meijer. It was a long trip, because I needed to look for several things we don't usually need. Plus we got a late start, and I knew Mary was getting tired and hungry. But she was so good for me! We made funny little humming noises as we shopped, we laughed, and we chatted. We came home, ate lunch and then it was nap time.

In the afternoon, we went outside to goof off. Mary saw a white butterfly and said "Oh, a beautiful white butterfly! The most amazing thing I ever saw!" (where does this kid learn to talk this way??). We walked around looking for ripe mulberries and wild strawberries in the yard and ate them. Then we were running out of things to do. We were sitting in the garage, and there was the hutch, staring at me. I'm starting to wonder if we are ever going to get it painted (my responsibility) and get it back in the house. So, what the heck, I grabbed the primer and two paint brushes and we went to work! Mary had fun AND did a great job. We almost got it primed inside and out. She lasted an hour at it without getting bored or making a mess! She only painted the hutch (not the floor, the walls, or anything else out there). And she was funny! "oh, this part is brown. I have to paint it white so the bugs don't hurt it!" Huh? We don't have termites:). "oh! More brown (wood). I have to paint this part!" Yeah, it was all brown. And yes, we are going to paint the entire thing.......soon.

For dinner, we went down to see Grandma and ate pizza with Mary's aunt and cousins. Then we went swimming! Mary loved it, and it was fun for her to watch her older cousins. Mary wanted to learn to go all the way under water, but she never actually did it. John was trying to tell her to hold her nose, shut her mouth, and shut her eyes. She just couldn't do it all at once. But she moved on and found other things to do. Like dumping a bucket of water over my head which was really great considering I didn't want to get my hair wet. Oh well, there are worse things. Once it was time to go, Mary melted down. She didn't want to leave. Poor thing. I knew she was tired. We got her home and powered through a shortened bedtime routine.

But wait!! She wasn't ready for bed. She wasn't tired. She didn't want to sleep! We told her it was bedtime and put her in bed. She actually told John she didn't want to nurse which she's said before. I figured as soon as he left, we'd do the usual stuff. Nursing, stories and back rubs until I fall asleep before she does (usually). But she didn't nurse! She just flopped around. We didn't do stories or anything. She worked on her blankets, her pillow and got comfortable about 30 times. And then she was asleep. I was amazed! And broken hearted. In the first time in 28 1/2 months, I didn't nurse Mary at bedtime. Wow. I actually stayed in there and thought if she woke in the next hour and asked to nurse I'd let her (she's nightweaned and has been for months). But she didn't. It's now 2am and I am enjoying some great pregnancy induced insomnia. I hope she nurses in the morning. She's already almost cut out her after nap session. So we are down to like 2-3 times a day. As much as I would love to keep nursing her after the baby is born, I'd also love to just nurse the baby if that's going to be less work. Some days I look down at her when I am rocking and nursing her to sleep and think she's "too big" to be nursing anymore, but in my heart I know it is what's best for her for as long as she wants to do it. I guess I've never really thought about how or when it will end.


"Wean Me Gently"

I know I look so big to you,

Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.

But no matter how big we get,

We still have needs that are important to us.

I know that our relationship is growing and changing,

But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,

Especially at the end of the day

When we snuggle up in bed.

Please don't get too busy for us to nurse.

I know you think I can be patient,

Or find something to take the place of a nursing;

A book, a glass of something,

But nothing can take your place when I need you.

Sometimes just cuddling with you,

Having you near me is enough.

I guess I am growing and becoming independent,

But please be there.

This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,

Please don't break it abruptly.

Wean me gently,

Because I am your mother,

And my heart is tender.

--Cathy Cardall